


Flower-ed

by kyunpremacist



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, He is suffering, I love angst, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Sided Love, Pining, Poisoning, changki rise, changkyun sleeps around, he is my precious baby but angst, he over thinks, how tf do you tag, hyunwoo is his big bro, idk anymore, sensitive bean, the others are just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:07:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29860632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyunpremacist/pseuds/kyunpremacist
Summary: Changkyun fell in love when he was sixteen, it didn't end well. Changkyun is now twenty-three, he falls in love again, and once again, he chose the flowers.OrChangkyun is suffering from Hanahaki cuz he's an idiot in love.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 62





	Flower-ed

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first au, I'm no writer and English is not my first language so sorry for mistakes. Also, Changkyun here over thinks a lot so when you see phrases in Italics, it means he's having an internal conversation lol
> 
> There's a scene where Kyun ingested poison on purpose so heads up for that.

**Act 1: Pills**

People say flowers are pretty, I agree. Well, as long as you're not vomiting them I guess. I mean, when you vomit flowers and petals they just don't come out dry and pretty. They're gross, sometimes clumped together with your saliva. Withering petals all wet and sticky coming out of your mouth. 

I look at the orange pills in my hand. _Why are they orange? Why not purple. I like purple._ And downs two in one go, not bothering with water. Two pills a day, keeps the roots away. Well, it doesn't really make it disappear, more like just controlling the symptoms. It still would kill you, albeit slowly. Unless you have surgery. 

I don't know why people see Hanahaki as romantic. It's not, being a martyr for unrequited love sucks. And it sucks more that whenever your feelings grow, literal vines constrict your chest. Flowers smother your airway till you can't breathe.

I always thought that people with Hanahaki are kinda stupid for just allowing that kind of stuff to happen to them. So I did what I had to, try and kill the literal root of the problem before it becomes worse. That was 7 years ago. All is well right? Nope. Yeah, you forget about the love of your life and move on. But nah, there's really no words to describe the feeling of emptiness after. Like there's a very large void that whatever you do, can't be filled - not to mention the lapse in your memories.

But you know what's worse? Falling in love with the same person - twice. And them not having a single idea. The feeling so strong it made the gods want to punish you - again. 

The fluttering in your chest whenever they're near, must be love, but it could also be the flowers creeping up again. Your throat tickles, similar to the feeling when you have a cough. So you just keep clearing your throat, infront of your crush, like an idiot. He looks at you, concerned, so you excuse yourself and go to the rest room. It gets worse and you cough, once, twice and then you look at your hand -- oh look, bloody flower petals. Great.

**Act 2: Blueming**

So, Hanahaki right? Where love is the fertilizer for the flowers to bloom. I don't consider myself a hopeless romantic but you know what people say, when you fall in love you notice the littlest things:

\- How he claps his hands like a seal when he laughs.

\- How he hides behind his friends when embarrassed.

\- How his eyes turn crescent, and god, don't get me started on those cute little dimples.

\- His wallnut chin.

\- That little silver tooth that shows itself when he smiles widely.

\- The moles that could form a constellation on his face.

\- That you only have a few centimeters difference in height (perfect for cuddling if I say so myself).

\- Don't even get me started on that angelic voice.

And... And how he looks at your brother like he hung the stars in the sky. Shitty, right?

He looks your way, your eyes lock and he smiles as he heads your way. Instead of a reward, you get pain and suffering. But yeah, smile and wave, smile through the pain, like an idiot in love.

Blue petals. Why does love have to be so hard?

**Act 3: Weeds**

So, I had this really, really stupid idea. Hanahaki equals flowers right? I mean they're pests cuz they're invasive and aren't supposed to be there in the first place. So yeah, back to the topic, Hanahaki - weeds, what kills weeds? Weed killer, right. So what if, just what if -- only a little.

I was 16 then and an idiot, a scared idiot, got my stomach pumped out and had surgery the day after to rid of the "weeds". I guess that's what happens when you start crushing on your brother's friend, who is 4 years older than you. 

My parents sent me off to America after that, finished my education there but after I graduated, I decided to come back to Korea.

Now, I'm 23 and still an idiot but hey, at least I'm drinking alcohol instead of weed killer.

The thing with surgery is, you don't forget the person, just the feeling. So just like that, I forgot my first love. I never told anyone who it was then but I had a gut feeling who, by just looking at some memories of my time spent in Korea, one face stood out the most. And now, I can definitely say, with confidence, though not out loud, that it was him - always has been. But if someone noticed they didn't utter a single word about it, and I'm thankful. 

**Act 4: Wish**

I can't tell exactly when the flowers came back. Was it when I landed in Korea? Was it when I laid my eyes on him after not seeing him for so long? Was it when he said, "Welcome back Kkukkungie!" with that gorgeous smile of his? Was it when he sang happy birthday in an over the top manner? Was it when he hugged me, congratulating me on getting my first job? 

Anyways, back to the present, I'm in the bar chilling with my friends. The love of my life, the bane of my existence, looking ravishing and beautiful and perfect. He's in the dancefloor, well, dancing, with some random dude - and I wish it was me, can be, could be, but I'm a coward and choose to wallow in self pity.

So I start downing alcohol as if my life depended on it. 

**Act 5: Care**

It's morning. I wake up with a pounding headache and refuse to open my eyes but hey, gotta be a responsible adult. So I open my eyes, slowly, thank god the blinds are shut -- I look at my surroundings, and internally panic, seeing my crush sleeping beside me. We both still got clothes on so yes, its all PG. All good. He got his hand on my waist, stopping me from leaving.

I stay still for as long as he can. I love cuddles, I really do, I do it all the time with Jooheon. But this time it felt constricting.

I feel it now, the bile rising up my throat and I have no choice but to bolt to the toilet bowl and vomit and heave til I can't anymore. I hear footsteps, I flush the toilet to rid of the disgusting evidence. He offers his hand to me, slowly let's me up and lead me to the bed. Gives me some water and a painkiller. Gives me a spare shirt so I can change. I live for it, I don't deny it. It feels so natural and domestic. I love it when he dotes on me - but he does it too, to all our friends. He's just that kind of a person. Ah, he just loves taking care of people, so this means nothing to him but still, but still.

**Act 6: Temporary**

I'm not a prude. Well, going to America was eye opening at least. I wasn't afraid to be judged there. So coming back to Korea with a brand new attitude got its perks. 

I do well with hook-ups. Just casual flings. No strings attached. No feelings. No flowers. Try and fill the gaping hole in my chest.

There's Hoseok. Hoseok is too soft. Too nice for his own good, he lets me vent when it gets overwhelming. I let him hold me, but Hoseok isn't him, so I cry. I cry and just let the thorns consume me.

Minhyuk is loud but he's nice. He talks non-stop so it's a good distraction. I let myself drown in his words whenever I think of him. But that doesn't always work. 

I stare at Hyungwon. All so pretty with soft hair and plump lips. I stare at the silver tooth peeking out as he laughs. And I pretend that it's him.

But Hoseok isn't him. Minhyuk isn't him. Hyungwon isn't him. And it does nothing to fill that gaping hole in my chest.

**Act 7: Kihyun**

Kihyun and I, we've been closer than ever after I returned from America. Which means, I got one foot in the grave and there's no getting out. I could confess but the fear of rejection overcomes all logic. I'd rather wallow in my own feelings and let the flowers consume me, rather than get heartbroken AND have the flowers consume me.

I've been having a mental debate for the past 15 minutes. If he likes my hyung, then my hyung must like him back too. Right?

So I observe for signs of them being sus for weeks. And now I'm 101% sure that it's mutual cuz nobody is getting sick, nobody throwing up petals, nobody getting emotionally constipated except me.

We've been texting back and forth, talking about anything. We do call and video chat often too. 

Now we're doing the latter, "Noona is getting married," Kihyun said at the other end of the line. He looks gorgeous with his newly cut hair.

"Which one?"

"Soyou noona, my senior?"

"Ah yeah , I remember her!! So what about it?"

"Well..." Kihyun paused, "she said I could bring a plus one to her wedding and I was thinking-"

"Hyunwoo hyung?! You're gonna ask him right?" I feel the flowers trying to make an appearance so I clear my throat.

"Hyun... woo?", he said slowly.

"Uh yeah, you like him right? I mean..." _I am an idiot, why did I say that_. I chuckled nervously. I look at Kihyun on the screen, his expression was unreadable.

"Stay there." And then gone. Poof. Black screen. Call ended so abruptly.

I feel nausea creeping up. Did I offend him? It really wasn't my business to begin with. _Oh god did I fuck things up?!_ I look at my phone. Shall I call him and apologize?

I was too busy thinking of the stupid scenarios and overthinking that not 15 minutes later, I hear a knock on my door. I open it up and it's him. It's Yoo Kihyun.

"No, I admire him like an older brother", Kihyun heaves, like he's out of breath.

"Um. What???", then it clicked. He's talking about Hyunwoo hyung. I nod and purse my lips. "Okay. Sorry for assuming hyung." I'm struggling to keep my cool, I hope he doesn't notice my trembling hands. I am internally screaming, dying of embarrassment, well literally I am dying on the inside.

Platonic love, huh, imagine that. _Im Changkyun you idiot_ , I walk back inside, Kihyun just behind me. I look over the edge of the balcony. We're five stories up so if I jump -- _stop, stop, now is not the time_. I wanted to scream but nope, Kihyun is here. So I faced him, feigning innocence.

Kihyun's eyes are piercing through me. I'm pretty sure he's seeing all the internal conflict going on, not to mention that I'm so red in the face - embarrassing.

"Kyun, I like you." 

My brain stopped functioning. I don't know how long i stared at him. I'm pretty sure I look like a fish out of water. My tongue feels like lead, it's like I've frozen over. _Oh wow, did I hear it right?_ How can he say those words so easily. The words I wanted to say for the past few months, years, actually. 

"I -- I -- hyung," _great, I can't even form words anymore._

"It's okay if you don't like me back," he cuts me off before I can even finish. "I don't want to pressure you," and he smiles. A sweet little smile. But it doesn't reach his eyes. "I just want you to know, that - that I like you." He steps back and gives me some space.

"Hyung, I-- you like-- really??!!!" _Im Changkyun get it together, stop being tongue tied, you're not five for goodness sake._ "Okay, lemme just breathe a bit". Inhale. Exhale. Now or Never.

"I like you too, like, romantically, I have been for a while now honestly and I---" And suddenly, Kihyun's lips, they're soft, and warm and sweet. _A kiss, yes, a kiss, he kissed me! Oh my god! My god! He did._

He must have noticed me panicking again, "Im Changkyun," he says, his face only inches away, I can feel his breathe on my lips, "will you be my boyfriend?".

**Act 8: Changkyun**

I really should stop fainting. Maybe I'm anemic, am I? I should eat more greens. 

I mentally scold myself, once again, for waking up in an unfamiliar room. Good grief, I'm at the hospital. My throat feels dry, everything is blurry, I just want to sleep again. I can hear the beep of the machines, smell the scent of disinfectant, and feel a warm hand caressing my face. 

"Kyun, baby...", _Wait! Wait! Baby what??_ I look to my right, its Kihyun. And then realization dawned on me, like a pile of bricks crashing on all at once. 

"What happened earlier... It's real right?", Kihyun just laughed, "You mean, you fainting after I confessed?", I can totally count the lashes on his eyes, _he's so close dear god_. Damn, I really need some water.

"YES!" my shout startled Kihyun, "I mean, to your question before I passed out. My answer, is yes", I look at Kihyun, his eyes are so bright, its full of love and affection -- for me. I can see him getting closer, closer, I can feel his breathe on my lips, _YES, PLEASE CLOSER!!_

"Mr. Im, I see your awake," I've never seen Kihyun straighten up so damn fast it would have been funny if the moment wasn't ruined. I just whine at the doctor, cuz yeah, all thoughts have left my brain, it's just full of Kihyun now. "I see you're doing so much better now," he looks at me, looks at Kihyun, and then back at me with a knowing gaze. "I guess you won't be needing the pills?", my eyes go wide and dart at Kihyun who looks at me confused. "I guess... Not?".

"What pills?"

"I see... you both should talk. I'll just update you on the results of your examination but it's looking great so far. I can discharge you after." And with that, the doctor leaves. It's now silent, uncomfortably so.

"Kyun--"

"I got Hanahaki!", I shouted, almost hysterically _. Yes, rip it out like a bandaid Im Changkyun,_ "I got Hanahaki," yes, breathe in and out, calmly now, I look at Kihyun, "but it's okay now".

I see the emotions crossing on Kihyun's face. The gears turning in his head.

His eyebrows knitting together. Confusion. Check.

His eyes going wide. Realization. Check.

Tears slowly coming out. What's that? Why's he crying. _Oh my god, my god, my god._

"Changkyun you idiot!!!," Anger? Disappoinment? Okay, that surprised me. "Why didn't you???--- how long??? Why??", 

"Shhhhh, Ki, Ki calm down please," I tried my best to placate the situation.

"Oh my god, you've been suffering because of me and I didn't.. I didn't..." Kihyun was now rubbing his eyes, I pulled him gently toward me and wiped his tears.

"It was my choice Ki, I'm sorry." 

"So you would rather suffer than actually confess to me? Why?!" He was now pacing again, I reached out to grab his hand so he'd stop.

"I thought, I thought you ... liked hyung? I didn't want to be in the way. And this isn't the first time..." _Great, now your babbling._

Silence. And then, "What do you mean?!!", before I could explain, he held out his hand, "Wait, wait. Hyung told us what happened to you before. You needed surgery and it .. it was Hanahaki?!! Changkyun I ---"

"It was you!! I was scared okay. Now that you've confessed, all of it kinda came back to me," Oh fuck, I'm shaking so bad. "I was so scared then hyung, I was confused. I was unsure of my sexuality then. I shouldn't be liking you cuz you were a guy. And it was all too much for me back then.. I'm sorry hyung," Shit, when the fuck did I start crying?, and wow, hiccups?! all of a sudden?! "I--- *hic* really *hic* really *hic* like you *hic* hyung! *hic*

"Oh baby, baby stop crying, I'm sorry too. I took so long. I just-- you're Hyunwoo's younger brother, so I assumed you were off limits." Kihyun sighed, "I actually did notice you, I just stopped myself from feeling anything. I was 20!! And oh god, you were so young then." Kihyun's embrace was calming. "I just didn't know when I started seeing you as a man and not just our maknae," being in Kihyun's arms felt so warm. It felt so right, "I shouldn't, --- I --- ugh, I like you Kyun, please believe me."

"I know." and I do know, everything feels so light, breathing feels a lot easier now.

**Act 9: Together**

Kihyun kisses like there's no tomorrow. He kisses with so much love. So much intensity, it gives me goosebumps. It's nothing from the sweet, short kisses we've shared before.

It's warm, so warm I feel like I'm on fire. Who knew that the reserved and calm Yoo Kihyun, could be this passionate... and aggressive?

_Oh, this is so not gonna be vanilla._

**Author's Note:**

> Eyoooooo I can't write smut for shit!!!! So they did the deed, period. This is like the third word vomit I had for the past month. I wrote this on the notes in my phone. This is like the third story but the first one i finished. Anyways, English is not my first language. AND I AM NO MEANS A WRITER. AS I SAID- JUST WORD VOMIT. Not beta'd idk what even that is, just wanna say it. I have all these scenarios and stories just floating in my head and I was like why not friggin try for once so yeah. I meme a lot, idk if you noticed. Also, the title is from a song in Changkyun's Duality album.
> 
> Also, leave a kudos or comment. I may or may not post the other stories here so who knows.
> 
> YAY I HAVE A TWT NOW!! I'll post updates or whatever there. I'm going to make a thread of my aus and add some pictures just because.
> 
> Let's be moots idk? ****  
> [Here](https://twitter.com/ickyunpremacist?s=09)  
> 


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